Green-san* and Dance Man

Oh, low-budget Japanese television. How can I even start to explain this...

Well, I guess it all started during training for my teaching job. My company, ECC, has a contract with a satellite channel called BS Fuji. When BS Fuji is in need of some whiteys for its English-language educational segments, it calls ECC. When we watched some of these in training, as terribly goofy and embarrassing as they were, I was thrilled. Japanese TV! I told the people at headquarters that I would love to do it. This confused the hell out of them (why would anyone willingly humiliate themselves like that?), but they told me they'd let me know if they heard about anything.

About six weeks later, there I was, waking up at 5:30 in the morning for a twelve-hour shoot of a show called Mojya². There were six scenes in all, teaching the words Airplane, Eat, Cap, Monkey, Peel, and Cut. I would be Green-san, one of Dance Man's four perpetually dancing henchmen.

All day, we wore earpieces that looped the same sixteen bars of "Boogie-something-or-other," so that our dancing would be in sync. We danced in terrible heat, first in a playground, then in various rooms of a hot, stuffy house. We were tired. We had woken up early. We sweated. The Japanese director and his crew didn't manage time well, so we found ourselves half-assing our way through the last few scenes, often using only one take. I'm hoping the shot of me trying (and failing) to pull a ski cap over my green wig gets lost on the cutting room floor.

Despite being an awful day overall, I'm glad I did it. Hell, I'd probably do it again. I'm sure I'll look terrible on this show, all tired and sweaty and saying things like "Let's PEEL the POTATO!" with a deranged smile, but you know what?

I'm on TV, bitches.

Highlight of the day: We're inside the house, and Dance Man is wearing plastic shower caps over his giant platform shoes because of Japanese cleanliness standards. So he's dancing on the staircase, right up close to the camera, with us in the background near the bottom of the stairs. We're doing "Cap! Cap! Cap!" turning left and right while miming the brim of a baseball cap. Without warning, CRASH! Dance Man has taken a major spill and is now sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs under a large potted plant. Of course we all stop dancing and start laughing, but within seconds Dance Man is back up and at the top of the stairs, dancing like nothing has happened. The cameramen haven't stopped filming. The four of us look at each other in confusion, shrug, and resume our "Cap! Cap! Cap!" routine, stifling laughter for ten more seconds until the director gives us a "cut." He approves of the take, and we move onto the next scene. I guess he decided he had enough to work with in editing and didn't have to do it again. I really hope I can see that footage sometime.

Here's the website for the show. I'm not on there yet, but you get the idea. I guess the old Green-san didn't want to do it anymore. Can't imagine why...

*I look like hell in this picture because a) I am wearing a green afro wig (obviously), and b) well, why don't YOU try looking good after dancing, making stupid faces, and sweating for twelve hours.