Tokyo Game Show 2006

Check out some new video games, get some free stuff, and make fun of some nerds. Totally worth a three-hour round trip train ride.



The inside was, predictably, a sweaty, noisy, packed mass of nerds carrying around giant bags of freebies. Not the type to stand in line for half an hour to play a video game for ten minutes, I was content with just walking around and peeking over people's shoulders.













I can't decide whether or not "look cute and hang around some electronics" is a desirable job description:






And my favorite part, the costumes. All geeks bow down before the costumed geek:












I was all ready to screw around in this picture, but these girls threw me a curveball by handing me this little plush thing at the last second. Dammit.

"That's a dude!"



Later, dorks.

Some news:

Last Thursday, I traveled two hours to middle-of-nowhere Kanagawa to film some more TV stuff. I got there expecting the whole Mojya squad to be there, but to my surprise I ended up being the only foreigner. The people present were me, an eight-person crew, and a clown named Joe (a name I gave him because he had suggested "Catherine" and I didn't think that was appropriate). I started out by doing my makeup all pretty, and then was handed the familiar bright green afro wig and oversized green shirt. Dammit.

So Thursday's work was to film fifteen short segments called Let's Exercise. Here's how it goes:

1. The opening sequence. Joe is doing some clown trick, and I'm watching, mesmerized. The camera zooms up and we turn back to back, do finger-guns, and I exclaim, "LET'S EXERCISE!" These were filmed in front of a live audience of about 200 kindergarteners.
2. Joe is in a small room, doing a clown trick. I walk in, singing to myself. I stop, look at Joe, and give a command ("Sit down!"). He looks at me, confused. I repeat it. He sits down. I give another command ("Stand up!") and he follows. I repeat a few times, and say "Great!" with two thumbs up. Then I run up to the camera, get right up in it, and introduce us: "Hi! I'm Mojya Green, and this is Joe the Clown!"
3. I'm standing with my arm around Joe, in a close shot. I say, "Let's Do It!" look at Joe, and Joe makes a funny face.
4. We're standing in the same room. I give a command to Joe, then look at the camera like I want it to join in. I give the other command, and look back at the camera. I do this a couple times, do it once just looking at the camera, then say "Great!" to the camera with two thumbs up.
5. Starts out the same way, except this time, I give the commands one after another, faster and faster until Joe falls down or crashes into something. Unfazed, I run up to the camera, get right up in it again, and say "ByeBye!!!!!!" while waving vigorously.

That's all there is to it. We filmed a whole bunch of these, and threw in something stupid here and there (like I say "ByeBye!" and blow into my open hand so Joe is blown away in the background). It took all day, but it was a good time. The crew seemed to be happy that I could speak enough Japanese that it wasn't awkward. We did most of the shots in one take. The guys on the crew were loving every minute, laughing and telling me that it was perfect. But I could have sworn that the producer/translator woman was giving me looks once in a while that read as something like "I can't believe you're willingly doing this."

I'm still waiting on the still photos that one of the crew members took, so I can post them. He said he would email them to me. I've gotta track his ass down.

Anyway, "Let's Exercise!" is due to start in October, and it will be on BS Fuji twice a day, every weekday. Crazy.

My feelings on this are hovering somewhere between "holy crap I'm awesome," and "someday these will fall into the wrong hands and boy will I be sorry."

Tonight, me and my roommate Melissa were coming out of Omiya Station when we heard a guy yelling. Public commotion is very weird in Japan, so we looked to see where it was coming from. The source was a guy who looked to be in his twenties, standing by the police station and yelling at a crowd of six or seven policemen while his friend held him back and tried to get him to shut up. The policemen just stood there and took the abuse, which unfortunately I couldn't understand a word of because it was really brusque slangy masculine Japanese.
So we found a good spot by the taxi stand and watched the scene play out.
Eventually, the guy broke free of his friend, ran up to the policemen, and started yelling in their faces. He was obviously drunk.
In America, this guy would have been cuffed and thrown in the drunk tank. But the Japanese policemen did nothing but gently try to move him along in the direction of the station. They seemed completely unfazed.
I don't know what ended up happening after Drunk Angry Guy and the crowd of police moved out of our view. But the whole thing was just astounding to me.

Here's a sampling of the adults I teach English to:


Takayuki - Has a lisp, wears pink polo shirts, and talks about musical theater. I have an 80-minute private lesson with him first thing every Saturday morning.

Sachiko - An overly genki girl. Laughs more than anyone should laugh.

Kazuyo - Sachiko's sidekick.

Manabu - Always hangs around after class and teaches me a little Japanese, which I appreciate. Only has one hand, though, which is awkward when the lesson instructions are "cover the English words with your fingers."

Toshi - Always wears loud clothing, and has the look of someone who used to party too hard when he was younger. I always look forward to lessons with him, because I can loosen up and give him a little shit.

Kazuhiko - Something's weird about him. It might be that I have never seen him not fanning himself with a little wooden fan.

Minako - A new student who I initially level-tested. Burst into tears of happiness when she found out that she wasn't the very lowest level.

Harry - A dentist whose real name is Yoshihiko. Speaks English shockingly well. Has managed to eradicate his Japanese accent and replace it with something that sounds vaguely Latino.

Masako - Can see and hear spirits. Stays away from graveyards and the movie Poltergeist.

Takashi - Cool old dude who likes bonsai trees, hates the government, and used to make his living testing pharmaceuticals on animals. During a grammar lesson, one of his example sentences was "My wife is always talking, and I often tell her to stop."

Satomi - A university student. Very fashionable. Deer in headlights expression.

Yoshiyasu - Can barely speak a word of English besides "muscle training." The man likes his exercise.

Toyo - My first impression of this guy was "Dear Lord, he is surely a vampire." Sure enough, his two favorite kinds of movies are "violence movies" and "vampire movies."

Naoko and Tsuneko - Two housewives who are refreshingly quirky and animated. A good contrast to all the tired businessmen.

Yoko - A high-school student. When asked what kind of pet she wants, replied "I want a little pony."

Asao - An old guy with white hair on his head and mesmerizingly long black hair on his fingers.

Daisuke - A hottie.

Satoshi - Will grill you for twenty minutes about your drinking habits, then explain that he has to drink a lot because he "is fat man." Has a tendency to steer the conversation toward the topic of Japanese baths and whether or not I am comfortable with nudity.

Hajime - Seriously messed-up teeth.

Monroe - Real name is Fujio. The only student in an 80-minute advanced class I have taken over for. I suspect the other five or so students dropped out because Monroe tends to dominate conversations to the point that you simply cannot get anything done. Makes things easy for me.

Shinichi - This guy's a piece of work. When asked a simple question, will repeat the question to himself, then alternate between repeating the first word of his answer and sucking his teeth.
Example:
Me: "Shinichi, do YOU think Japanese is more difficult than English?"
Shinichi: "Do you think...Japanese...more difficult...*teeth sucking*...So...*teeth*...So...*teeth*...English...*teeth*...pause...
So...pause...*teeth*...English is..."
(this continues until I answer for him and turn my attention to the better students)
When he does talk, it usually has something to do with "working in the factory."

So in conclusion, my students run the gamut between really cool people I can have a good chat with, and flustered, teeth-sucking businessmen who put me to sleep.

In addition to the ubiquitous teeth-sucking habit displayed by older Japanese men, I've also noticed that a staggering number of the females have a tendency to grunt like guinea pigs when they're confused or make a mistake.

These kinds of things keep me amused.

Who are the people in your neighborhood?

Well, here are some of the people in MY neighborhood:

First, there's Old Transvestite Homeless Guy, who lives on a couple of benches on the pedestrian walkway near my apartment. I was under the assumption that he never wears a shirt, but my roommate has just informed me that he'll bust out a camisole and a pair of fakies on occasion.
Old Homeless Woman usually just hangs out by the station on a pile of cardboard boxes and talks to herself.
Often when I'm walking home at night, I'll pass by that super-bony woman who's always jogging. It's probably insensitive of me to call her Skeletor.
And then there's that whole crew who works at the conveyor-belt sushi place. The male chefs will yell "Irrashaimase!" at you in a sing-song voice, and the female waitresses never wear any expression other than "sullen." The oldest waitress annoys the hell out of me, because not only does always she thank me more times than is comfortable, but she also says it in a strange way. It's really nasal, and it's always "arigatou gozaimaSUUUUU." Ugh.
Of course there's Takuya from Bee Darts Bar, but I don't go there anymore after I realized how insanely expensive it is.
My new favorite bar is called Drunky, and it's right next to the ECC school here in Omiya. It's a tiny hole-in-the-wall that blasts reggae music out into the street. Kenichi and Hide, the two bartenders who work there, are trying to help me learn how to talk like a normal person and not a textbook. They're my buddies.
Homma is a 40-something guy who's always hanging out at Drunky, and is always, well, drunky. Last time he was there, he declared himself my japanese dad. I also met a girl named Reona who was thrilled to talk to me right up until she passed out on the bar.
One of my favorite local people is Ramen Man. Every night, without fail, you can find him at the local ramen shop, making noodles for all the drunk businessmen (and sometimes me). He's a happy dude, and it's fun to watch him throw all the ingredients together with the flair of someone who has dedicated his life to ramen.
I never really see my neighbors in this building. The one time I saw them, they happened to walk by me as I was outside having a heated conversation on the phone. They looked scared and confused (as is the normal Japanese response to someone like me) and I haven't seen them since.

Oh Omiya.

Anyway, here's a picture of something funny because I KNOW YOU WANT IT:

Yup.