a note to Japanese shoe salesmen:
Did you ever consider that maybe the problem isn't MY feet being too big, but YOUR feet being too small?
Listen, my feet are beautiful and goddesslike, and they don't take kindly to oppression.
So you can wipe that smug look off your face as you take that shoebox away, and replace it with an expression of respect.
Because you know who else had big feet?
Zeus. The Greek god of awesome.
And we all know how he handled disrespect.
Poorly, and with lightning.
Besides, I would totally school you in a contest of stamping. Or not-falling-down-when-pushed.
Bring it.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
There was a serious fight in my train car tonight. Two gangster-looking guys were chasing and wailing on (whaling on?) a guy in a checkered shirt with no regard for their surroundings. This was the first time I've seen someone take a jump-kick to the chest in person. Five feet away, no less.
I would have gotten hit by flying limbs and bodies had I not thrown myself against the wall at the last minute.
Needless to say, it was SWEET.
I would have gotten hit by flying limbs and bodies had I not thrown myself against the wall at the last minute.
Needless to say, it was SWEET.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Golden Week 2K7
aka
Spring Break WOOOOO!
aka
"Oh god, what have I done?"
________________________________________________
AN EMAIL
To: Liza, Christine, Jill
From: Henry
Subject: The 12 Tasks of Osaka
Your mission, should you mutually and happily choose to accept it:
The 12 Tasks of Osaka
12 random business cards
11 pictures of people asleep
10 different coasters
9 photos of you kissing strangers on the cheek
8 pictures of shots being necked
7 photos of you making catalog poses on the train
6 pictures of you with people in uniform
5 different flexible straws
4 photos of guys with mustaches
3 pictures of you playing drunk leapfrog
2 packets of takoyaki-flavored Pretz
1 picture of you all together at midnight with a visible public clock
If successfully completed, I will clean your apartment from top to bottom (plus something nice for Jill).
-Henry
_______________________________________________________
Well, we didn't finish the scavenger hunt, but we did come close, as well as adding our own stupid stuff. In the end, it was the coasters that did us in.
-------------------------------------------------------
So here I am, it's 12:30 am Tuesday night, and I really don't feel like writing in this. But if I put it off any longer, it's just not gonna happen. Therefore, I have decided to deny myself food until I finish this blog post.
Not particularly hungry, just in that "eat to avoid doing other things" mindset.
Last night, I felt so strongly about not writing in my blog that I cleaned my entire room.
This is becoming a problem.
So, I'm just gonna crank this thing out with no attention to organization or whatever. Those things just slow ya down.
Here we go.
The shinkansen (bullet train) made us sick. Me and Jill both. You know the feeling you get when you step on land after hours spent on the ocean? That's how we felt for a couple hours after whipping through rice fields and ugly cities and countrysides dotted with little Asian houses with little Asian old ladies out front.
It was a nice trip, though. Saw Mt. Fuji:
The first four hours or so in Osaka were spent lying on the tatami floor of our hotel room in complimentary yukata robes, drinking in the cool 8th-floor breeze and the sounds from nearby Dotonbori St.
That night, the three of us ended up at "Penguin Bar," a deserted yet overeager bar with techno music, suggestive themes, and flashing strobelights. There, we watched "Queen of the Damned" on five or six TVs, muted and with Japanese subtitles while drinking questionably-mixed cocktails. I was sporting my new souvenir black tank top with classy gold lame lettering that declared "HORMOANING. IT'S PRETTY SCARY. IT'S SO REVOLTING." And we fended off some dude who kept telling me he was 46 years old. Congratulations, buddy.
Second day, slept late. That night, took Derek and Jesse who were also in Osaka to a place that advertised 2-for-1 cocktails.
The rest of that night is kinda blurry.
...
crap, I am tired. screw this, I am going to bed.
WHY DO I HAVE TO WRITE IN A BLOG THIS IS A CHORE AHHHHHHHH
goodnight.
aka
Spring Break WOOOOO!
aka
"Oh god, what have I done?"
________________________________________________
AN EMAIL
To: Liza, Christine, Jill
From: Henry
Subject: The 12 Tasks of Osaka
Your mission, should you mutually and happily choose to accept it:
The 12 Tasks of Osaka
12 random business cards
11 pictures of people asleep
10 different coasters
9 photos of you kissing strangers on the cheek
8 pictures of shots being necked
7 photos of you making catalog poses on the train
6 pictures of you with people in uniform
5 different flexible straws
4 photos of guys with mustaches
3 pictures of you playing drunk leapfrog
2 packets of takoyaki-flavored Pretz
1 picture of you all together at midnight with a visible public clock
If successfully completed, I will clean your apartment from top to bottom (plus something nice for Jill).
-Henry
_______________________________________________________
Well, we didn't finish the scavenger hunt, but we did come close, as well as adding our own stupid stuff. In the end, it was the coasters that did us in.
-------------------------------------------------------
So here I am, it's 12:30 am Tuesday night, and I really don't feel like writing in this. But if I put it off any longer, it's just not gonna happen. Therefore, I have decided to deny myself food until I finish this blog post.
Not particularly hungry, just in that "eat to avoid doing other things" mindset.
Last night, I felt so strongly about not writing in my blog that I cleaned my entire room.
This is becoming a problem.
So, I'm just gonna crank this thing out with no attention to organization or whatever. Those things just slow ya down.
Here we go.
The shinkansen (bullet train) made us sick. Me and Jill both. You know the feeling you get when you step on land after hours spent on the ocean? That's how we felt for a couple hours after whipping through rice fields and ugly cities and countrysides dotted with little Asian houses with little Asian old ladies out front.
It was a nice trip, though. Saw Mt. Fuji:
The first four hours or so in Osaka were spent lying on the tatami floor of our hotel room in complimentary yukata robes, drinking in the cool 8th-floor breeze and the sounds from nearby Dotonbori St.
That night, the three of us ended up at "Penguin Bar," a deserted yet overeager bar with techno music, suggestive themes, and flashing strobelights. There, we watched "Queen of the Damned" on five or six TVs, muted and with Japanese subtitles while drinking questionably-mixed cocktails. I was sporting my new souvenir black tank top with classy gold lame lettering that declared "HORMOANING. IT'S PRETTY SCARY. IT'S SO REVOLTING." And we fended off some dude who kept telling me he was 46 years old. Congratulations, buddy.
Second day, slept late. That night, took Derek and Jesse who were also in Osaka to a place that advertised 2-for-1 cocktails.
The rest of that night is kinda blurry.
...
crap, I am tired. screw this, I am going to bed.
WHY DO I HAVE TO WRITE IN A BLOG THIS IS A CHORE AHHHHHHHH
goodnight.
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